failure.
The F Word
I keep stumbling across it. The nerve of it popping up like that. Catching me unaware. Like I am interested or something.
Articles. Books. Quotes. Blogs. Pinterest. Even my beloved Instagram.
Yes, I'm talking about: F A I L U R E
Negative. Bad. Hurtful. Wrong.
And yet.
None of us escapes it.
My first run in with failure occurred in 1st grade while in the reading competition for the elaborate sugar house our teacher created. Let's just say I took a supposedly fun 6-yr old event to a new level. I avoided going outside and playing the entire length of the contest. Because, guess what? I was inside reading. What was wrong with me?
I'm sure you can see the writing on the wall.
I. Did. Not. Win.
I've been trying to outrun failure ever since.
I wish I'd learned earlier that failure is just part of life. It's hard. It's sad. And in some cases downright distressing. But, just because I'm failing doesn't mean I'm a failure.
This is the part I forget.
Instead I do crazy math equations: I fail + I feel like a failure = I am a failure.
What kind of fuzzy, word problem math is that? And more importantly, where did that come from? Who smacked me with a ruler and told me not to lose? Who told me my value was wrapped up in not failing? Why is it so easy to internalize a lie than to believe the truth? To give myself grace.
Whether it's a job, a test, a race, a business, words spoken or unspoken, an unfulfilled obligation or a relationship. Failure doesn't mean the end.
It doesn't mean I shouldn't try again, that I should sit out or be sidelined.
It means, this time it didn't work out. Maybe I messed up. Or maybe I didn't. Maybe I tried hard or maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe the timing wasn't right. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Here's the thing. Failure can rob us. Even worse it can make us afraid. Fear and failure joined together are like two junior high bullies telling you that you're not only stupid but ugly too. Who needs that? I've got enough problems.
I think the biggest takeaway for me after experiencing failure is perspective. Can I walk away with new insights? Better ideas? Improved work ethic? Healthier soul? More meaningful dialogue? Over time can I find the lesson within the failure?
It takes guts to get back up again.
But, this time you are smarter, stronger and more experienced. This time you know that failure can happen but it won't get the best of you.
As for me, I think I'll go buy my 6-yr old self a bag of candy and send her outside to play.
“Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”