time.
Take the Scenic Route
Most days I feel like I am racing against time. Somehow I'm the only person in the world that has been short changed. Like we don't all have the same 24-hours.
I'm guessing it's because I try to cram too much in. Fill every nook and cranny. Unable to stop. Always thinking I have more time than I do.
I remember as a kid riding in the back seat of our Dodge Charger heading home on I-80 through the Columbia Gorge in Oregon. It was a long 5-hour drive home after visiting our grandparents. Inevitably, I would ask to detour and take the scenic loop drive near Multnomah Falls.
We never did.
As an adult I understand that now. I realize it's hard to stop. Hard to detour. Hard to deviate from the plan.
I have adopted that same pace. Zipping at breakneck speed through life. Dashing. Racing. Rushing.
I dream of the luxury of hours on end to create. Gardening with no sunset. Leisurely cooking and then savoring meals. Reading with no limits. Perusing Pinterest with no time frame.
My youngest is now 18. Technically there should be more time. I'm not swallowed up by the endless obligations of having five kids at home. The constant cooking. Endless cleaning. Ever-loving chauffeuring. This ruled my life for 25 years.
I guess for me it's hard to slow down. Hard to relax. Hard to loosen up. Part of it is my personality. Part of it is because there are so many things I love to do. How can I do them all? How do I choose? Do I have to choose?
And on top of that I admit that I love to be productive. Show something at the end of the day. Is this good or bad? Hard to say. Maybe it just is.
I've been thinking that maybe I just need to accept myself for who I am.
Hello, self-awareness. Where have you been hiding?
I realize that I'm on a journey. We all are. I can either be stagnant. Or I can keep growing. Keep changing. My route might involve more "doing" than some people. I might not be as contemplative as others. We are all different. I think the goal is to find our own pace. A balance between doing and not doing.
I am making progress. Beginning to give myself space to breathe. Beginning to linger. Puttering. Putting my feet up.
And guess what?
Last summer I did stop at Multnomah Falls.
I now believe anything is possible.
Today I'm going to cozy up with a good book and cup of tea.
Or. Maybe. Not.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”