A Tree In My Living Room

It's true. 

We have high ceilings which makes this possible. Crazy. But possible. 

This morning I noticed an excess of dead leaves on the floor. I realize that this is the natural consequence of growing a tree in your house. But this seemed worse than usual. When I looked up into the tree I noticed lots of bare branches, dead leaves and how the whole thing was growing in a lopsided manner.

Time to prune.

I needed to ruthlessly cut parts of the tree back before it fell over and damaged something. Aesthetically it looked misshapen and needed entire branches to be removed. And most importantly a bit of preventative maintenance was in order before it became prone to disease and died.

Pruning is an essential part of caring for trees. 

And I have found it is vital in my own life as well.

For about 5 years my life was pruned back almost to the root. Oddly enough it was self-imposed as I felt led to home-school our daughter. She has disabilities but had overcome so many hurdles that I optimistically felt that she might "catch up" if we worked one-on-one.

Needless to say my world got small. My world got quiet. Everything felt inconsequential. Slow.

Some days I could barely sit still. Some days I was angry. Most days I was frustrated. How and why did I do this to myself? And all I wanted was a real job like real people. I wanted value. Meaning. A lunch break.   

What I didn't realize was that this was a season of change. A time to evolve. A time to let go. The undesirable parts of me would be revealed. The damaged parts would begin to heal. The dead parts would surface and be given new life. 

Eventually a new me emerged. A person that wasn't always in a hurry. A person that learned new things. Developed new ideas. Valued the things right in front of her.

I began living within my life's constraints. Asking myself what was possible right here. Right now. Not when things were different. Not when things were easier. Or better. 

An ebay business emerged. Then years later an etsy shop. A few years after that a website.

Only through pruning could this growth and new life begin for me. Only by paring down and diminishing the life I was living could something new begin. Could a healthier version of myself emerge.

Awwww, hindsight. I love you so.

Living through it? Not so much.

I'm prone to complaining in the best of times. During that period it showed no restraint. And naturally following close on the heels came Comparison and her sister, Bitterness. They sure love a good pity-party. I wish I could claim that I used those years to gain wisdom, insight and patience. But truth be told I can only now see it for the gift it was. I kicked hard to keep my damaged parts and even harder to keep some of the healthier ones. Ultimately, I needed some sharp cuts so I could move forward. Life is like that.

Pruning is painful. It can be lonely. It can be confusing to yourself and others.

But pruning is essential. Pruning can bring us back to life. Enable us to flourish. To grow. To thrive. To develop.

Is there a branch in your life that needs pruning?