morning pages.
Dive Deep
My mind is wandering.
I glance out the window.
It's only two pages. That's all. How hard can it be?
I coax myself back to writing.
This is not a journal. Or a diary. Or a log.
It is not compulsory. It's voluntary. Optional. A choice.
Morning Pages.
A term coined years ago by Julia Cameron in her book, "The Artist's Way."
The concept is to write freely about any topic. No editing. No critiquing. No pretense. Nothing that would ever warrant reading.
Six months ago I adopted this practice.
Ever since it has been my nemesis. My struggle. An internal battle.
I have no problem starting out but after a few sentences I'm done. After describing the weather and my itinerary there is nothing left to say.
But of course that's when the real work begins.
The real work lies below.
This is the place I avoid. The hard stuff. The meat. The grit.
Diving deep into those places means facing vulnerability. Fear. Even shame.
These deep places can hurt. Mining up slivers of grief. Drilling into wounds.
This explains my inclination to avoid. To stop at half pages. To stay safe.
But safety only allows for a watered down version. Foggy. Vague. Meaningless.
I could stay here trapped under layers of indifference. Lost in details about the weather. A bit complacent.
Instead I choose to pick the scab. Over and over again. Day after day.
It's only in this process I can reach the real words that lurk beneath the comfortable.
Ugly truths pour out. Beautiful ideas unfold.
This writing might not have all the answers. Or in fact any of the answers. But there is meaning. And it is powerful.
I think the challenge for each of us it to give ourselves the space to dive deep. To pause. To allow for margin.
For it is in excavating our pain that our true joy emerges.
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Exposed. Fragile. Genuine.
I hope you will pause long enough to experience this for yourself.
“We imagine that if we had time we would quiet our more shallow selves and listen to a deeper flow of inspiration. Again, this is a myth that lets us off the hook - if I wait for enough time to listen, I don’t have to listen now, I don’t have to take responsibility for being available to what is trying to bubble up today.”